call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
