His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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