there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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