Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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