do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
