Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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