I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
