ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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