I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
