Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
