Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
