New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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