idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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