dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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