Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
