Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
