This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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