i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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