You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
