At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
