I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
