On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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