I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
