when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think I won the penis lottery.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
