smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
