Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
