my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just found puke in my bra..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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