she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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