i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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