For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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