kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
