I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
