oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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