he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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