It's Friday. Sex?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
how drunk are you?
Several
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
