I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
