when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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