Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
