if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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