I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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