Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
