i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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