thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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