I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just gift wrapped bread.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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