I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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