I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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