I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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