Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
