Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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