I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
